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TALKIN BOXIN
by Howie Reed
August 18, 2003
TOO many people in the world don’t take the
opportunity of utilizing their time. For some it’s a
case of “can’t chew gum and walk” but for others it’s
just pure laziness. Take “MOI”. I’m on the go 24/7
doing a balancing act that would put the Great
Zucchini to shame. (The Great Zucchini ? Use to
juggle six razor sharp Toledo blade knives at one
time while eating a banana. Now ? He now only juggles
3 knives which isn’t bad for a guy who just lost an
arm.) Some are amazed that I can accomplish as much as I do. I explain, “I’m
the modern renaissance man”, which either brings fits of laughter, the
knowing
bowing of the head or the “brook trout look”. That’s
the blank stare that goes with the words, “You want me to do what?”
Regardless as B. Bunny says, “I yam what I yam.”
Whilst waiting in the grocery checkout line I like to
read the many weekly publication that line the way to
“really big savings at Vonn’s”. Sometimes aloud,
mostly to irritate those around me. If there’s nothing
to read it’s fun to make friends with the 2 or 3 year
old year old in the cart in front that grabs
everything within reach as the child has more hands
than an octopus . With enough time and patience you
can teach the little “grabbers” to load up Mom’s cart
while she’s browsing “Glamour” or “Modern Women”.
Those magazines are as informative and news worthy as their tabloid counter
parts. “Just 10 minutes a day
and you’ll be more alluring. Especially to the old
goat behind you in the line that has your little
darling loading up the grocery cart while you read
this article.”
This week I read out loud the headline, “Ben cheats on
J.Lo…will she forgive him”. “Boy I hope not”, says I.
The grocery checking persons says, “Who cares about J. Lo? I’m tired of
hearing about her.” “I care”,
respond I. “I’m next in line. She chucks out Ben , I’m
next in line.” “What the hell are you talking about ?”
“I entered the J. LO lottery a couple of year’s. Like
Bill Clinton and his draft number I never figured I’d
be called to serve. Now maybe I’m next. This is my
lucky day.” What if ? What if J.Lo does toss out
Ben. Then I can step in, claim my prize and take her
to the Rat Nest Reunion September 5 and 6th in San
Jose. J.LO, San Jose State-stanfurd football, old
drinking pals and beer. “Hi nice to see you. You
remember my pal J. LO ?” Be still my heart. What if ?
Whilst channel surfing during the week I came across
Author Tom Clancy out there “hustling” his new book.
Mr. Clancy is a man of very few words except when it
comes to writing novels. Like me he gets paid by the
word. That’s where the resemblance ends but you knew that. When asked how he
got his ideas for a story he answered, “It’s all about ‘What if’. Every book
is about “What if”. Covering boxing or any other sport is
mostly the same. “What if ?” One advantage to a
vehicle such as I use, Talkin Boxing, is that “What
if” draws response for readers. There are those that
can and will argue that Lennox Lewis could beat any
heavyweight in history because of size. There are
also those that claim to have been adducted by aliens,
had lunch with Elvis or heard a democrat tell the
truth.
One time my alma mater, San Jose State even though a football team with a
losing record, would have been
favored over the #1 team in the nation doing “What
if.” Maybe the greatest result of the internet is that
people that don’t write for a living get the chance to
make their views known. In sport, because it is 90%
“what if”, their opinions may be more valid then those
that “posture” for a living. “O” sent in his thoughts
last week which I gladly used. My comments elicited
from him the following.
“Dear Mr Reed. I was two spoonfuls into my Alpha Bits
cereal trying to spell Klitschko this morning when I
looked up and noticed Prince Naseem Hameed on the
back of my milk carton above the caption: "have you
seen me?" last seen flipping over the top rope in a
boxing ring. All of a sudden the little man in my
computer said those words that throw me into a
Pavlovian fit, "You've got mail" The boxing goddess
had forwarded me a copy of your latest article. It
proved to be an enjoyable read. My Alpha Bits got
soggy, my bill will be in the mail. Just to rehash
some tidbits: My intent was not to diminish the PGA
tour. I, myself find myself hunkered down some Sundays watching the majors.
And for the record, I was watching golf when Payne Stewart was wearing those
weird pants.
Yes, my main man Lennox is not unusual, its ironic
that you mentioned that he feels that his path should
be filled with the tossed rose petals of adoring fans.
This has been going on since Caesar returned to Rome. Lets see Caesar
go three rounds with Rahman. Right now Lewis is the tallest midget in the
circus. And until somebody more colorful and refreshing jumps out of the
small VW Bug in the center of the ring, we will have to deal with Sir
Lennox's colorful cockney verbal
concoct ions. I, like the rest of the world are
waiting for the next great heavyweight champion. I
don't care if he's from England, the US or Mars. Then
and only then will the alarm go off signifying the end
of Lewis' run. In the smog known as the heavyweight
division, a breath of fresh air is desperately needed.
Lennox and Bary Scheck? Hmmm..interseting. Barry
Scheck has been involved with more DNA then the handle on a urinal at the
Bunny Ranch in Nevada. Don't knock OJ, he's looking for the killers on a
fairway in Palm Springs. Barry Scheck heading something called the
"Innocence Project" is like me being knighted Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux
Klan. And finally.....I am
getting behind "Arnold" in California. Gary "Arnold"
Coleman! Think of the cabinet! You could have Willis
as drug czar, crack for everybody! Mrs. Garrett as
environmental chairman. If she can keep a clean house, I wonder what she can
do with East LA. And of course Mr. Drummond as budget chairman. Oh what a
wonderful world. Run Terminator run! Thanks again. "O"
GOOD STUFF there. “O” is a dangerous gentleman. He’sarticulate,
knowledgeable, writes well and is
interesting. Those are all the qualities that I
always strive for, as time will allow. I could well
question the use of Caesar who might have been able to go three rounds with
Rahman (there’s another “What
if”) but he dam sure was no match for a bunch of his
fellow Senators with knifes. The sliced and diced him
like the ornamental gent with the knives from the
Land of the Rising Son and the Sleeping Daughter. How do I know ? Cause I
just finished reading the
“Assignation of Caesar.” No I didn’t read the entire
book. It started out with Caesar getting killed and
that was enough for me. No suspense there. I thank
“O” (Has anyone but me read the “Story of O ?”) for
his input.
WHEN watching some pre season (exhibition) games of the National Football
League it didn’t take a rocket
scientist to see that if the stadiums were full then a
lot of folks came dressed as empty seats. (It also
took me 5 seconds on CBS to realize how much I
disliked Phil Simms. He was an average quarterback in
a great system. “That’s my pet peeve with Brett Favre
. He doesn’t set his feet.” Yea right Phil. Another
New York talking head who should learn to shut the “F”
up.) Back to the empty seats. This has become all
too common in the boxing venues around the USA. I was struck by the empty
seats at the Frietas-Barras fight in Miami. Imagine my surprise (Where’s
Gomer to yell ‘SURPRISE” when we need him ?) when I stumbled upon a column
by Norm Frauenheim of the The Arizona Republic that noticed the same thing.
“Acelino Freitas continued to eliminate any doubts
about his skill, power and courage Saturday night with
a dramatic victory over an Argentine challenger, but
he failed to knock out questions about whether anybody in North America
cares. The crowd for Freitas'
12th-round stoppage of Jorge Barrios at Miami Arena
was about the same size as the one that watched him
retain his spot atop the junior-lightweight division a
year ago at Dodge Theatre. The crowd for each fight
was estimated at between 2,000 and 2,500. If Freitas
was going to be a draw anywhere, it figured to be
Miami. Brazil is supposed to be wild about its native
son. Miami is home to the biggest Brazilian community in the United States.
There also weren't long lines at the box office in Las Vegas for his victory
over Joel Casamayor in a much-hyped fight. Freitas-Casamayor drew an
announced crowd of 2,200 at Las Vegas' Cox Pavilion.”
The gentleman is correct but rather than blame Acelino
Freitas it’s more accurate to blame the way the
sports being presented. The fighters, managers,
cable TV and promoters. As mention it is just not
boxing that has a problem. It’s all sports that have
either priced themselves out of the “average market
place” or have lost what fan base they had or give us
“horsedoodle fights” which they hope to make us
believe are good Saturdays nights HBO offering was
boring. Terrible. If you weren’t really a fight fan
you would have switched on to the test pattern by the
second round. I did.
Just a week ago I wrote about what a heck of a fight
card on Showtime. Of course cause they had some
“very” important programming the fights were delayed
on the West Coast. 12:30 by the time they were
finished. Way to build an audience. I use to be in TV.
Got out cause I didn’t think I was smart enough.
“Upon further review, I’ve now decided that I got out
cause they were too dumb.” I don’t believe in
coincidence. Everything happens for a reason. Like “O”
I got mail last week. This time from old Pal JR Smith.
That would be JR Smith of the Martinez Smiths who
holds court at times at the Paddock Bowl in Pacheco
directing action from the JR Smith Stool at the turn
of the bar. . Pacheco was the Capital of California
one time for a couple of days. How about that ? JR
forwarded to me reasons why golf on TV is popular.
“The following is forwarded not to offend baseball,
basketball, football or hockey fans. It is, rather, an
attempt to put everything in its proper perspective.
Ever wonder why golf is growing in popularity and why
people who don't even play go to tournaments or watch
it on TV? These truisms may shed light: Golf is an honorable game, with the
overwhelming majority of players being honorable people who don't need
referees. Golfers don't have some of their players in jail every week.
Golfers don't scratch their privates on the golf course. Golfers don't
kick dirt on, or throw bottles at, other people. Professional golfers
are compensated in direct proportion to how well they play.
Golfers don't hold out for more money, or demand new
contracts, because of another player's deal.
Professional golfers don't demand that the taxpayers
pay for the courses on which they play. When golfers
make a mistake, nobody is there to cover for them or
back them up.
You can watch the best golfers in the world up close,
at any tournament, including the majors, all day,
every day for $25 or $30. The cost for a seat in the
nosebleed section at the Super Bowl will cost around
$300 or more. You can bring a picnic lunch to the tournament golf
course, watch the best in the world and not spend a small fortune on food
and drink. Try that at one of the taxpayer funded baseball or football
stadiums. If you bring a soft drink into a ballpark, they'll give you two
options -- get rid of it or leave.
In golf you cannot fail 70% of the time and make $9
million a season, like the best baseball hitters (.300
batting average) do. Golf doesn't change its rules to
attract fans. In their prime, Greg Norman, Arnold Palmer and
other stars, would shake your hand and say they were happy to meet you. In
his prime Jose Canseco wore T-shirts that read "Leave Me Alone." You can
hear birds chirping on the golf course during a tournament. At a golf
tournament, (unlike at taxpayer-funded sports stadiums and arenas) you won't
hear a steady stream of four letter words and nasty name calling while
you're hoping that no one spills beer on you. Finally, here's a slice
of golf history you might
enjoy. Why do full-length golf courses have 18 holes,
and not 20, or 10 or an even dozen? During a
discussion among the club's membership board at St.
Andrews in 1858, one of the members pointed out that
it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of
Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch
per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was
finished when the Scotch ran out. Now you know.
This was written before the most boring golf in year’s
concluded on Sunday. I will be really surprise if
folks turned in to see Charles Howell III; Vijay Singh
(I like his style) Ernie Els; Billy Andrade, Briny
Baird; Alex Cejka, Mike Weir; Timothy Clark, Chad
Campbell and Shaun Micheel. In fact who the hell are
these guys once you get past Els and Singh. While
watching on Saturday I heard the following as the list
of scores rolled across the screen, “And what can you
say about Briny Baird ?” My answer ? “Nothing”. So
golf guys before you go patting yourselves on the back
consider that without Tiger and Phil golf on TV is
about as exciting as “spinach on your teeth when
you’re going for that first kiss.”
JUST when it look like the heavyweight division almost
had their act together they snared defeat from the
jaws of victory. The Corrie Sanders-Roy Jones has gone by-by. It’s deader
than “O” getting elected the Gran Klaxion of the KKK. Not going to happen.
It went from “True fact” to “What if ?” What you say ? How could this occur
?” Sit down at the feet of the master and we’ll walk through the morass.
Last week . Murad
Muhammad, promoter of Jones, stated that a fight
between the WBA champ Jones and the WBO titleholder Sanders was "a done
deal." When asked about the fact that Jones hadn’t signed the contract Murad
the Lair said in no uncertain terms, “No problem” Lots of things happened.
Sanders, a big heavyweight as oppose to the midget
Ruiz, had told the WBO what they could do with their
belt and a mandatory fight against Lemon Brewster.
WBO president Francisco Valcarcel said, I’ll take your
crown away.” “Take away .take away.” Let’s step back
moment, open a nice cold one and let in a little
reality. If WBO President Valcarel had his thinking
cap on he would have said, “Know what? Sanders should have the right to a
“free” fight before a mandatory”. Know why he didn’t ? Because this
entire “Mandatory” charade was to get the title back for W. Klitschko
and his Nazi promoters. At the same time “chicken Jones” starts his usual.
“I will only fight Sanders for a title. I really want to fight WBC/IBF light
heavyweight champion Antonio Tarver.” Now doesn’t that just make “wood”
appear?
On Monday last G. Leon of “boxingtalk.com”, nothing to do with Moi,
published the following story under the
heading of Hypocrite Boxing Organization (HBO for
those that didn’t get it). “HBO VP Kery Davis wrote a
letter to WBO president Francisco Valcarcel last week, asking him to
circumvent their rules and not strip heavyweight champion Corrie Sanders of
his belt." Mr. Leon had, or so he says, a tape of WBO President
Valcarcel confirming the story. Whoops next day the
same boxing site and the same writer publish, "HBO VP Kery Davis wrote a
letter to WBO president Francisco Valcarcel last week, asking him to
circumvent their rules and not strip heavyweight champion Corrie Sanders of
his belt." This statement is 100% false. It simply did not happen. Neither
Kery Davis nor any other HBO programming representative contacted the WBO to
discuss belts or champions. What of Mr. Valcarcel and his taped statements?
Never happened said Valcarcel. Once again boxing and those that run it have
shot themselves in the foot. We now get Jones-Tarver and Sanders-Lemon.
Last week as everyone knows there was a blackout that took power from a
majority of people on the East
Coast. The 24 hour cable news folks seemed really
disappointed when there was no looting and rioting.
During the entire incident there was only one case of
any problem. When the power came back on in Detroit
the people looked around and rioted. They were struck
with the realization that they were still in Detroit.
(Opinions and editorials of
HotBoxingNews.com is the opinion of those writers and may not be the
opinion of HotBoxingNews.com)
Want to make contact or comments to Howie Reed
Go Here! mailto:reed@hotboxingnews.com
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